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Post by Trent Page on Apr 29, 2011 2:30:21 GMT
Hey guys, I haven't been a steady part of an e-fed for several years, and if you read my RP, I would really appreciate some feedback. I'll gladly trade feedback with you if you'd like.
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Post by Tim E. Vortex on Apr 29, 2011 5:38:12 GMT
I was really confused for a while when I thought Vinny was helping you shoot a porno... I missread the same word twice in one RP...
To be honest, there's not really much I can give in the way of constructive criticism, so I'll just give my general thoughts.
Your description has come a long way from what I remember. I often read RP's thinking how I would've written them, but for a lot of it, I would've written it in the same way.
You introduced, or rather reintroduced, your character well. I got a feel for his background, but I will say this. I seemed to have a certain amount of sympathy for him and I know he did say some pretty heelish things in part, but there didn't seem to be much for me to say "I don't like that guy". Apart from that, it was great.
If I had to give a piece of advice, I'd recommend that you read through some of Wild Bill Legend's RP's. He has a way of manipulating bad things in his life in a way that's quite hard to do. Whereas here, I felt quite sorry for your character, but when bad things happen to WBL, he still has me thinking "take that, Bill".[/color]
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Post by Trent Page on Apr 29, 2011 14:45:36 GMT
Thank you so much for the feedback. I will say ur probably right, there probably was too much sympathy, but I am trying to get the reader to feel a little bit. I want them to feel conflicted. I want them to not wanna like this guy, but I also want them to see that it's his life that's made him so bitter and angry. I'm working with a lot of gray here, so I'm sort of working on balancing on a tightrope with his character, but the reader probably felt a little too much sympathy for the first RP. Again, thanks a million for the feedback, and the kind words.
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Post by "Super" Benny Starr on Apr 30, 2011 2:13:34 GMT
Yeah, but as I said, it was still a great RP. I mean, I explained WBL's RP before and I could feel sorry for him, if not for him playing his character so well.[/color]
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