<^> Jack goes to the Gym <^>

["Ultra" Jack Cool]

<^> Mark Briggs<^>
And then there’s Camisado...

<^> ”Ultra” Jack Cool <^>
The New Cancer? More like the New Thrush. But I guess he has won Jealousy before, so it’ll take more than Canesten cream to get rid of that irritating cunt.

The scene opens inside the five star gym of the affectionately name Pink Palace, the home of “Super” Benny Starr and his wife, Cerise Starr as well as their newest housemate, “Ultra” Jack Cool. Jack is taking out his frustrations on a punching bag, attacking it with lefts and rights as his agent, Mark Briggs, attired in a full pink tracksuit with a towel over his shoulder watches his client.

<^> “Ultra” Jack Cool<^>
Isn’t there anybody that’s credible in this tournament?

<^> Mark Briggs <^>
Well, there’s Marcus Brody.

Jack stops bunching the bag and solemnly stares at Briggs. He then bursts into a hysteric laughter and Briggs, embarrassed, looks down at his white trainers.

<^> “Ultra” Jack Cool <^>
Seriously? That guy’s still going? Let me tell you something about Brody; he was one of the top guys in UCW, but honestly, that’s not saying much is it?

<^> Mark Briggs <^>
Well, I, err...

<^> “Ultra” Jack Cool <^>
Everybody and their gran knows that The Predator was the greatest thing to come out of that shithole and when he came over here in 2004, I annihilated him to win the FWF United Kingdom Championship.

<^> Mark Briggs <^>
Well what about War Zone? I mean, Brody did beat you in the Battlefield Brawl.

Jack whips the towel from off of Briggs and begins to wipe the sweat from his dripping forehead. He then tosses the sweaty rag back at Briggs, covering his face. Jack advances to Benny’s private wrestling ring and climbs up onto the apron. He creates his own canned cheer from the audience before springboarding where he lands on one knee in the middle of the canvas. From this position, he shoots up, throwing his fist into the air. Noticing no sound, he pivots on his heel to look at Briggs, who snaps out of his trance and begins to applaud frantically. Jack smiles before bouncing off the ropes, continuously moving from one side of the ring to the other like a tennis ball.

<^> “Ultra” Jack Cool <^>
So which lose am I facing in the opening round?

He asks in a breath as he continues running.

<^> Mark Briggs <^>
Well, you’ve actually been booked into a double opener. It’s a tag team match with you and Benny.

<^> “Ultra” Jack Cool <^>
Is that a fact? Well, who are we facing? Oh God tell me it’s not the Breakfast Table? They’re the bottom of the barrel in any place...

<^> Mark Briggs <^>
Well, actually it’s...

<^> “Ultra” Jack Cool <^>
Or The Meds... who are the Breakfast Table on a budget. Honestly, I’ve seen their work. They’re not a tag team, they’re a circus act... and a poor one at that.

<^> Mark Briggs <^>
It’s the New Directions.

<^> “Ultra” Jack Cool <^>
What!?

Jack comes to an abrupt halt, planting his feet firmly on the mat. He then turns to face Briggs with a look of distain on his face as Briggs cowers.

<^> "Ultra" Jack Cool <^>
Are you telling me that Pain has put us in a match with James Stall and MTB.

Briggs retreats, shielding his face with his hands.

<^> Mark Briggs <^>
Yes.

He reluctantly replies and Jack looses it, flailing around the ring like a fish out of water, kicking the bottom rope and angrily attacking the turnbuckle pads.

<^> <^>
He can’t do that! It’s not fair! I’ve just come out of a brutal match! I shouldn’t be competing at all, let alone against those two animals!

<^> Mark Briggs <^>
It’s also for the Elite Tag Team titles.

Jack calms himself.

<^> “Ultra” Jack Cool <^>
What an excellent decision. Pain is a scholar and a gentleman. I am the greatest tag team Warrior of all time. Just look at my track record. I even made it to the final of the first ever Jealousy tournament. That’s gotta count for something.

<^> Mark Briggs <^>
So... you’re not scared then?

An evil grin forms on Jack’s face as he climbs out of the ring. Catching his reflection in a metal bar of a weight machine, Jack stops to admire himself. He licks his thumb before running it over each eyebrow until he is perfectly groomed. He then winks before turning back to Briggs.

<^> “Ultra” Jack Cool <^>
Sorry, you were saying?

<^> Mark Briggs <^>
The New Directions. You’re not scared?

<^> “Ultra” Jack Cool <^>
Scared? I am the One and Only... there’s nobody I’d rather be. I am the One and Only... you can’t take that away from me!

<^> Mark Briggs <^>
Sorry, I was just... wait, isn’t that a song?

<^> “Ultra” Jack Cool <^>
Shut up! All I’m saying is, my three favourite things will be combined come Live-Wire... Jealousy, which I should be getting royalties for. The whole “Green With Envy” package came from MY band. Tag team wrestling, ‘cause everybody knows that’s my ballpark. And “Super” Benny Starr... the second best Warrior in the world.

<^> Mark Briggs <^>
But what’ll happen if we have an all Better than Sex final?

<^> “Ultra” Jack Cool <^>
Then we’ll have the greatest match in wrestling history. And when I’m one half of the FWF Elite Tag Team Champions and the winner of the Jealousy tournament, I’m not going to stop. The New Directions are gonna have to sit there and watch as I finally get my hands on “Captain” Joe Stall. Me and him have unfinished business.

<^> Cerise Starr <^>
Jaaaaaaaaaaaack... Maaaaaaaaaaaaaark... Dinneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer!

Both Jack and Briggs lose all expression in their face as they dread the horrific cooking attempts of Benny’s wife. The scene then fades out to black with the FWF logo printed on screen.